The Trollslayer Text adventure has been updated to fix a whole bunch of syntax problems that kept it from compiling with the new version of Inform 7. Hopefully it'll work better if it wasn't working that great before. I know there are still some typos left in the game. But The Dwarf can now sober up after being drunk since the code used to read "The sobriety of the player is now 0." when it should have read "Now the sobriety of the player is 0." Stupid code.

August 17th, 2009

Every Week with Andy Rooney

"Do you ever think about stuff? I think about stuff every week. The stuff is usually pretty ordinary but I like to present it in a new way. Well, new if you're someone who has never thought about stuff. Some weeks, I won't even bother to think about stuff and I'll just bring in a box of junk from my garage. I'll then precede to talk about it for half an hour and my editor will cut it down to one minute of the most interesting comments. Half of those comments are usually, "I don't know what this does but I just can't bring myself to throw it out." About this time, I'll usually throw in a line that I'll repeat at the end of my segment to tie it all together and make you think I had some kind of a point. After that, I'll make a few ordinary observations about the stuff. I'll end most of my sentences with question marks to make it look like I'm really thinking hard about the stuff. Sometimes, I can get a few sentences through that don't make any sense at all and you won't notice, because you'll be distracted by my eyebrows. I'll make it sound like nobody knows why we need this stuff and yet nobody can live without it either. Then I'll run out of things to say and I'll repeat the line from earlier in a joking manner to signal that I'm done talking about that stuff."

May 15th, 2009

New Study Guide! Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday! Do I have to keep updating this front page? It's not like I have anything else to say. I haven't really been watching much television or scoring with hot chicks. I mean, I score all the time except I'm a gentleman so I don't score and say.

May 13th, 2009

New Study Guide up! Now with weaning!

May 11th, 2009

New Study Guide up! This time it is about the birth of Isaac. It was sort of a boring part.

May 7th, 2009

New Study Guide up! It's about Abraham and some guy named Abimelech.

May 5th, 2009

New Study Guide up!

I think someone needs to make a Street Fighter type game where you play different Gods. Like Jesus versus Kali versus Yahweh versus Thor versus Baal versus Allah versus Ganeesh and so on! Man, I'd kick but as Krishna!

May 4th, 2009

New Study Guide up!

I've been doing a lot of reading which is weird for me since I'm a Writer. Reading is such a passive activity. How can people be readers? Just sitting there and accepting somebody else's stupid story that I could do a far better job writing? What a waste of time! But I've been reading so that I can expand my horizontals. I'm currently reading The Dog Conclusion and it has something to do with how the universe was pooped out by a giant cosmological terrier or something. I don't know. It's hard to concentrate! I keep writing in my head while reading so I miss a lot of the book. I've got this great idea for a Science Fiction story about a giant cat that barfs up a hairball which turns out to be the galaxy for a really advanced civilization that worships cats! I hope I get some positive responses on my query letters to publishers for that idea!

April 28th, 2009

New Study Guide! No other news to tell you about since my life is boring and nobody cares about me anyway. I think I'll call my mom now!

April 27th, 2009

I have to go eat breakfast now. If you're eating at the Cup and Saucer on Hawthorne in Portland, OR at 9:30 AM this morning, please leave me in peace. I won't be signing autographs.

Um, also, new Study Guide!

April 26th, 2009

I saw a car on fire last night. I've been busy! Stop being so nosy! Here's a new Study Guide!

April 21st, 2009

I need Viking jokes for my up and coming Viking comic strip I will be writing. E-mail me your favorite Vikings jokes and I'll credit you in each strip. Although, if I've already thought up the joke you send me like I probably will have already done, you won't get a credit!

Another Study Guide is up!

April 20th, 2009

Yesterday, this girl at the park who is usually there feeding bread to the ducks who wasn't there the week before was there. So I told her I missed her last week and I really meant I missed looking at her because she always wears short shorts but she just thought I meant I'm used to seeing her there and didn't last week. So she said, "I was in Seattle at a Japanese Comic Cartoony thing." And I said, "Sakuracon?" to like totally impress her with my knowledge of Nerddom. She was surprised I knew what it was since I must come across as a totally macho and cool dude to her and not a total geekwad nerd that would know about that stuff. So I asked her how it was and she said, "It was creepy."

Now go learn about God's covenant with Abram!

April 16th, 2009

I wish I knew more jokes. Then this sentence would be a joke and then the next sentence would be a serious remark with the link to the new Study Guide. Except I don't know a joke so that last sentence had the link to the new Study Guide. Oh, that one did too!

April 15th, 2009

It's Tax Day! Whee! Too bad tomorrow's Study Guide isn't ready for today since it is all about Tithing which means Divine Tax Inspired by God and Collected by Man to Pay for his Salary for Teaching People About Tithing. Today's Study Guide is all about WAR!

April 14th, 2009

I really shouldn't neglect all the other parts of my web-page for this stupid Study Guide. Especially the Places & Predators Stuff since that's the whole name of the website! And it's represented less than all of my other amazing stuff. Oh well! That's what I hired Pickle Boy for. He should be organizing stuff for my fans. He should really be working on getting us a booth at Comic-con! Except then we'd miss the Portland Brew Fest. Why do they always fall on the same weekend? I wonder who I can talk to to get that changed? Batman maybe?

Oh, um, new Study Guide!

April 13th, 2009

What a long weekend! I hosted a super successful party on Thursday that took me all week to prepare. And then on Friday, I couldn't do any writing or update my Bible Study Guide because I had Post Partyum Depression. But I'm over that now and have put up the next Study Guide. It's a really exciting Chapter of the Bible finally! Lots of adultery and traveling and lying and getting rich for no reason! I hope it stays this way!

April 9th, 2009

Happy Maundy Thursday! What does that even mean? I hope it means I get a present. I was going to write some more about it but there is a spider climbing on the wall next to my head and I have to type this really, really fast and run away now. STUDY GUIDE! AAAAAaaaaaaAAAGGGHH!

April 8th, 2009

I'm really tired from Super Heroing all night. When I stopped at 7-11 for a Mutant Berry Slurpee (Wolverine is selling them! I have to support my fellow Super Heroes!), the clerk told me a story that involved her saying 'dicked off' and cleaning up the resultant mess. Ew. Um, here's the next Study Guide! Don't dick off to it!

April 7th, 2009

The Tower of Babel Study Guide is up! I wonder if a video game has ever been made about The Tower of Babel? I bet it would be really fun! You'd have to try to keep building a tower while not understanding the guy next to you! Um, unless the guy next to you started speaking the same language. Did everyone working on it start speaking a different language? I forgot to ask that in the Study Guide! Oh well, just add that question in the margins.

April 6th, 2009

I took both Sabbath Days off from posting Study Guides! I didn't stop writing them or playing video games or pushing buttons or getting donkeys out of holes. I'm not going to be ridiculous about it. I'm only commenting on The Bible. I'm not following it! I'm not even sure, at this point, I'd know how to follow it! I guess what I've learned so far is not to look at my father naked and not to eat any fruit God tells me not to and to be the lucky guy God picks to not drown when he drowns everyone and don't build a tower to heaven and don't be the son of a naked father looker either!

Oh yeah, there's also a new study guide up!

April 3rd, 2009

If you like drinking, then you'll probably like this next Study Guide. Also, if you like finding old men lying naked in your tent, this one will be your cup of joe too!

I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button yesterday. It was about a woman who can only fall in love with Brad Pitt when he's good looking or not a baby. She was pretty shallow!

I also watched Stand By Me because I have lots of time to do nothing because I write so quickly. I wonder what movies that Brower kid went on to star in later! That one guy went into space and that other guy fought vampires and that other guy WAS a vampire that got fought and that fat kid invented those tiny hamburgers that you can eat three or four of at a time without seeming like a fat hog. But what did the dead kid do later? I really need to find out. He was really good!

April 2nd, 2009

Wow! One of my readers already attempted to answer an Essay Question for Lyle's Literal Interpretation of The Bible Study Guide for Dumb Dumbs! Of course, that reader is my lazy assistant Pickle Boy! But at least he's trying! You can see his assignment here if you need an example of some mediocre school work.

April 1st, 2009

Study Guide Part Seven is up and running for anybody that is interested. Can everybody on the internet hear me? Is this thing on?

I would tell you about a movie I watched recently except every time I try to watch something on Netflix Inst-Streaming, it crashes my internet. I think Comcast is Special. And I'm using Special in the way people would use Retarded but apparently aren't allowed to anymore. But next week, you won't be able to call them Special either. When will it all end?

Oh yeah, if any of that offended anybody, um, April Fools! Ha ha! It was all a joke. Now if you're offended at me, it just shows that you have no sense of humor and a Popsicle stick up your butt. 

March 31st, 2009

Why is my audience so demanding? You can't make a Writer Write! You have to just give him cash and let him think stuff up while you give him more cash and possibly alcohol (except I don't drink because my father was a Tuna). But I put up a new Study Guide anyway. It isn't because of the whiners out there whining for new things to read, like Teleman and Pickle Boy. It was because while you can't make a Writer Write, you also can't stop a Writer from Writing! I Wrote that! So if you repeat it to anybody, you have to attribute that quote to me, Grunion Guy!

March 30th, 2009

Today, I played Diazepam on the Facebook wordplay game. I thought it was a proper noun but it took it anyway so I guess I was wrong or it was. But enough about me and how awesome a Writer I am even in kiddie word games. Let's move on to how smokin' awesome a Writer I am and let me tell you there is a new Study Guide up! Go read it!

March 29th, 2009

So I wrote another Study Guide because I just can't help writing things. You know, because I'm a Writer. It's like if you're a golfer, you always golf. Unless you don't make the cut on Friday and then you sit around crying in your tea and crumpets all weekend and watch the good golfers on television. So the new Study Guide is about Cain and Abel. They're these two fellows who get into some wild shenanigans that lead to murder! It's like an episode of Albert Hitchhike.

March 27th, 2009

Another new study guide is up! It's called The Fall of Man! Don't expect these to be done every day like this. I'm not a super hero! I mean, my super power doesn't involve writing quickly or not procrastinating. If this were a swimming website, it would get updated every minute, probably!

Plus, I have to have time to watch movies. I saw a Koren film called The Host today. It was sad but it was supposed to be happy or uplifting somehow. It was about these retarded people who have to fight a sea monster created from dumping formalded hides down a sink. And then a lot of people die including the one you think is going to be saved. But I won't tell you which one that is because that would spoil the movie! Also, I didn't mean saved. Um, I meant, the one who you didn't think would be eaten or some other verb that doesn't make it seem like it might be the little girl. Although it should be a word that could still indicate it is the little girl or else it would be too misleading.

March 26th, 2009

A new study guide is up! This one is about Adam and Eve!

I also watched the 2004 version of Dawn of the Dead today. The one where they're in the mall? Boy! What a huge surprise twist ending! I can't believe that the main girl (the girl from that movie Go!) wasn't a vampire! Why would they put the fake horror movie teeth in her mouth for the whole film when she didn't end up being a werewolf? Or a zombie? Whatever those monsters were!

March 25th, 2009

I have a new section of the Web Site up! It's called Lyle's Study Guide for the Literal Interpretation of The Bible for Dumb Dumbs or something like that. Click on that link to see what it's called and then to read it! It already has one section written!

Also, you can pretend that I've been working on that all this time since February whatever that last dated entry says but I'd have to scroll down to see it right now and I'm too busy typing this stuff you're reading to to do that. I say pretend since what I was really doing was sleeping and playing video games! Oh, and I read a book!

Even though I'm a Writer and not a Reader, I still read a book called Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The book ends in a question mark! That wasn't me seeming unsure about the book I read! It was all about this guy who isn't sure if he likes his life or his robot sheep and then he shoots some things that aren't technickally alive and he wonders why he suddenly feels bad for killing them when he should feel the same way he would feel if he killed a toaster. And then he does one all hot and heavy and all the replications think that they've pulled one over on humanity but they don't understand humanity and that makes their belief totally wrong or something. And then the goat dies and I cried. But it all worked out somehow because of a plastic frog. I hope I didn't spoil it too much! There plenty of other bits I left out so you can be surprised by those parts. Like the fake owl!

February 17, 2009

Now that most everybody who isn't anybody doesn't have any television to watch because one year was not enough time to prepare (unless they pushed it back even longer because, in America, one year really isn't enough to prepare. I mean, really, we have things to do!), I've decided to post some of my old stories to entertain those people without entertainment! So click on the link to the left to go to my Stories Page! Or just go here to read Shoot Out in the Old West, a real page turner!

February 6, 2009

I just played my first game on my brand new Commodore 64 emulator! It was called Darksword and it sucked!

February 4, 2009

I'm downloading a C-64 Emulator right now. It's called Vice. I don't know if it's any good but maybe I can write a review for it later! I should find out what the name of that stupid Spectrum Emulator I was using is called because it is stupid and wouldn't let me finish the game I was playing. Maybe I should find a different one that will let me finish Mindshadow! That's a pretty good idea by me. Smart!

I'll do that later, though. My pipes are full of C-64 emulator right now. I have some other pipes that are full too! I have to go now!

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grunionguy

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