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 CHAPTER TEN
The Tower of Babel, Genesis 11:1 - 11:9.

THE FACTS!

The whole earth was one language.

All the people traveled east and one of them said to his neighbor, "Hey, let's make some bricks!" And the neighbor said, "Heavy!"

They had bricks for stones and slime for mortar. That doesn't sound very effective.

And then they said, "Let's make a tower that may reach heaven."

Then they said, "Jinxth! You oweth me a jewth boxth!" since they didn't have Cokes back then.

And they said, "Let's think up a name for us so we can never be scattered!" which was foreshadowing.

God came down to watch the construction.

God sees that Man can do anything they can imagine since they all speak the same language.

God confounds their speech.

God scatters the people across the land.

The tower is called Babel because that meant confusion in olden times speak.

STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!

Why do all the men travel together? When does this story take place? Is it after Noah's kids have kids? Or after Noah's kids' kids have kids? Or even later?

What language do you think was spoken before God made up a whole bunch of different languages on the spot? Do you think it was Swahili? Or Esperanto?

Who is the guy who had the brick idea? Why doesn't he have a name? Do you think he was an ancestor of Frank Wilbur Wright? Whoever he was, he was a troublemaker!

How many buildings have you built using slime as mortar?

Do you think the tower would have been built before God could screw everything up if they'd used a different contractor? Do you think it was a Gypsy Scam? Is that racist? If so, then replace Gypsy with a race that you care less about.

Would the people have been scattered if they'd thought up a name for themselves? What name would you choose? You should choose a fierce, scary or tough animal that starts with the same letter as the town in which you live. Maybe the Babel Baboons? Or perhaps Mandrills?

Did God really need to fear Man's ability to work together just because they speak the same language? Did he really need to suddenly invent a bunch of new languages? He could have just as easily limited them to 140 characters.

Why would God be upset that Man was working together? Isn't that the whole point of Religion? So that people will believe the same thing and get along? Wasn't that what was going on perfectly while Mankind was living on the plains of Shinar trying to build their city and tower? What kind of God messes that up? Is he self-destructive? Is God bi-polar?

Do you think God is upset that Man thought up a way to get together that didn't really involve him? What a pouter!

God probably knew Man would never build a tower to reach Heaven with home-made bricks and slime mortar. Yet again, he feels Man should be punished for doing something he never told them not to. Is this going to remain a theme?

Are these stories in Genesis supposed to be taken literally? Or are they really just morality tales? It's showing how someone takes an action and receives negative consequences for the action so that the people reading The Bible know not to also take that action. The story isn't an example of real people who failed to heed a warning since there was no warning in the first place. The warning is the story. Am I writing too much?

How do you think God scattered all the people of the earth? Did he turn the hose on them? Oh wait. He already did that once! Maybe he just pushed the pieces around the board like you might do with Risk.

The architects of the Tower of Babel were working on the 13th floor when God cursed them with different tongues. This is why modern buildings always skip the 13th floor.

Skipping the 13th floor is stupid because then the 14th floor is really the 13th floor so you haven't actually avoided having a 13th floor. You've just avoided counting correctly.

If people who were superstitious were also smart, they'd avoid staying on the 14th floor. And then places would have to get rid of the 14th floor too!

The International Space Station is only called international because every time two people who speak the same language board it, they're immediately cursed with different languages by God who hates to see man hanging out on his front lawn.

ESSAY ASSIGNMENT
Choose one.

A. For some reason, I kept wanting to reference The A-Team while writing about the Tower of Babel. Why?
B. Write a song about the Tower of Babel.
C. Why do you think God didn't want men working together? Was he afraid of something they might eventually build? If so, what? Or has it not been built yet? Speculate!

DRAWING TIME!

Design your own way into space that isn't an ancient tower or a super space elevator of which God might approve.

WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?

People speak different languages because God was unhappy with their architectural project.

KNOW THY ENEMY

This is one of those Chapters in The Bible that your enemies are going to really break your Literal Chops about. But don't worry! I'll show you how to defend it! Let's break it down:

1. All men on Earth live in the same place. That isn't too hard to accept because the flood just wiped out everyone a few generations ago. So Ham's and Canaan's and Shem's descendants probably haven't traveled too far away from one another.
2. All men on Earth speak the same language. Again, this isn't too hard to believe since they're all fairly recently descended from Noah.
3. Everyone works together to build a tower to Heaven. Okay, pretty simple to believe a bunch of olden time people might think a project of this sort is possible. It's not like they had any idea about Space or Rockets or Planets or Stars or anything. They probably thought they just had to build a tower tall enough to poke through the clouds since clouds were probably Heaven's Carpet.
4. God strolls amongst the men building the Tower. Since most of the big jerks of mankind have been wiped out by the Flood and only Noah's goody-goody descendants are left, this is also pretty believable. Nobody would have cared that the old guy with the white beard wasn't helping at all. Unless God is really a hot chick who likes to play Skeeball. Except He's not and Kevin Smith is going straight to Hell!
5. God doesn't want them building the Tower. Understanding this literally is no problem. Who can speak for God's will? The Bible doesn't think God thinks they'll be successful. He just realizes that Mankind is now going to come up with all sorts of crazy plans because they're united. And we, as mortals, have no idea what those crazy plans may have been! But God knows because God can see the future and thus he prevented Mankind from doing whatever it was they were going to do with their unfettered imagination. Except now they never did it so how could God have seen that future? Wouldn't God have only seen the future of God preventing Man from building a tower? Oh well. That isn't a fault of God! That's a fault of Time! And of me not being able to speak the same language as someone who understands Time and could explain it to me properly!
6. God scatters man and makes them speak different languages. This is where your Enemies might try to trip you up. But just remember one phrase: "God is all-powerful." Now, if they ask you about anything they think is illogical or impossible, just say, "God is all-powerful." So if they say, "So, God just up and moved mankind all over the planet and they were okay with this?" "God is all-powerful!" "So God just made up 140 languages right on the spot? With grammar and spelling and accents and different phonemes?" "GOD IS ALL-POWERFUL!" Then maybe say, "PRAISE JESUS!" or something to indicate the conversation is over.