Abram left Egypt with Sarai and Lot and lots of cattle and gold and silver.
Abram returns to the altar he built east of Beth-el.
Abram calls upon the Lord.
Lot has flocks and herds and tents.
The land could not house both Abram and Lot and all of their material goods.
Abram's herdsmen were annoyed by Lot's herdsmen and everyone was annoyed by the Canaanites and the Perizzites who were living there before Abram and Lot moved in.
Abram says to Lot, "Let there be no strife between us and our cattle and our herdsmen and all of our piles of things."
Abram gives Lot the land to the right or the land to the left. Lot's choice!
Lot beheld the plain of Jordan and how nicely it was watered and how it was like God's Garden and a lot like Egypt and he claimed it all for himself.
Lot pitches his tent toward Sodom. Hee hee.
Sodom is filled with exceedingly wicked men before the Lord.
God tells Abram to look around. He gives Abram (and his seed) all the land Abram sees.
Abram's seeds shall number the amount of dust particles on the earth which is too many to count but if they could be counted, that is the number of Abram's seeds.
God tells Abram to walk around and check out the land a bit and don't worry about those pesky Canaanites and Perizzites.
Abram removes his tent and moves to Mamre in Hebron where he builds another altar to the Lord.
Not to be anti-Semitic or anything, but isn't what Abram did to Pharaoh what every other Jew-hating country has feared the Jews were doing to them? Entering the country, becoming super wealthy at the expense of the natives and then taking all of their earnings back to the homeland? I guess people become suspicious of you if the father of your people, while being helped by your God, swindles a country's leader with the old 'my wife is really my sister' con!
What did Lot do to earn all of his cattle and flocks and tents? Since he's not loaded down with silver and gold, he probably set up a legitimate business like money-lending. But he probably had to leave Egypt too because Abram made enemies. Or God made enemies! Everything was going great until God plagued Pharaoh.
Don't you think the Egyptians should have realized they were being conned? Didn't they write every con in the book?
Were the souls which Abram collected in Haran actually just used as servants by him and Lot? Is that what was meant earlier? Since the only other people that could be the strifing herdsmen were those collected souls or the Egyptian manservants. But if they were the Egyptian manservants, what happened to Abram's souls? Were they actually just souls he collected and not people like I've been thinking? Am I assuming too much again?!
How rich did these guys get down in Egypt that they can't even fit together on the giant parcel of land which God gave Abram? I'm just assuming it's giant since Abram's bajillion seeds need to all live there.
Who are the Perizzites? Are they where we get the term 'parasite'? Did Abram hate them for living on the land God gave to him for so many years before Abram got there? Did Abram charge them back rent?
Why is God giving away land where other people already live? Is there some sort of Religious Eminent Domain thing? I guess that would be Manifest Destiny. It doesn't really seem fair though, does it? "Hey, Canaanites! A big invisible man that you can't see or hear has told me that this land belongs to me. So, you know, bugger off." I guess the Americans used the exact same sentence except said Indians instead of Canaanites. And the Indians were probably all, "Who are these people you are calling Indians?"
Were you sad when Abram told Lot to 'separate thyself, I pray thee, from me'? It seemed kind of cold-hearted. Especially after Lot followed him all over the place. I don't think even Batman is mean enough to say that to Robin (even though he should since Batman's line of work is far too dangerous for a young boy!). Do you think Abram was annoyed with Lot for tagging along all this time?
Abram allowed Lot to choose his lot. Do you think he picked the land with Sodom and Gomorrah because he saw a lot of naked boobies that way? Can you blame him? He's spent a lot of time on the road without a wife or a girllady!
Why didn't God give Abram Egypt also? Maybe that would have just seemed greedy! Or was God afraid of Osiris and Ra and Anubis? I'm afraid of Anubis!
Where is Hebron? Have we heard of this place before? I can't remember!
FAITH vs SCIENCE
Because you'll take such big steps when walking on the moon, you'll have to hope that your legs don't break.
In the last section, God declares he's giving the land to Abram's seed. Now, God declares he's giving the land to Abram and his seed forever. So now Abram gets the land too! That's because God was really impressed with the way Abram scammed Pharaoh and kicked Lot off of the land.
That last Fact was more of a Historical Assumption by me since The Bible is crazy. Would you have guessed that Abram wasn't supposed to go to Egypt at all and it was lack of faith in God that drove him south? Somehow he was supposed to outlast the famine by trusting that God would provide (on land God didn't actually give to him but just his seeds) instead of going to Egypt and prostituting his wife? Yeah, how am I supposed to get all of that out of what I was given? Abram returns from Egypt rich. It sure seems like he made the right choice! But no! I'm supposed to figure out that it was a bad idea to leave Canaan and that it was, in fact, against God? Is that why jerks get rich and Cain was set free? Because God's idea of punishment and reward is opposite what men seem to believe?
That last Historical Fact was actually a Historical Fact Study Question!
Explain the religious significance of Abram giving his wife to another
man and making a large sum of money from the deal.
Somebody really needs to draw a map that includes Hebron and Ur and Haran and Egypt and Jordan and Canaan and Mamre and Sichem and Moreh and Beth-el and Hai and Shinar and Sidon and Gerar and Admah and Zeboiim and Lasha and Mesha and Sephar and Babel and Erech and Acad and Calneh and Ararat and Rehoboth and Nineveh and Sodom and Calah and Resen and Nod and all those rivers coming out of Eden. Then email it to me so I can get my bearings!
WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?
Choosing the better looking
Cocoa Mug isn't always the best choice.
KNOW THY ENEMY
Non-believers might really have a problem with this bit about God giving land to Abram and his descendants even though other people were already living on that land. But that's because non-believers believe crazy things like 'Finders keepers!' and 'He who smelt it, dealt it!' and leaving people to live their lives on the land they were living no matter what they believe. But how can somebody who doesn't believe in God have any right to the land God created? It just seems ungrateful! So non-believing squatters need to be punished and/or taught a lesson. If they can learn to believe in God, they can be allowed to live their with God's Chosen People but in a lesser role because, obviously, they weren't chosen by God and God didn't choose to talk to them at all. If they can't learn to believe in God, they should be driven from the land and treated like other creatures that don't respect and admire and believe in God, like ants and cockroaches.