An Argument


for the

Commodore 64  


  Game Title: Exciting!
  Musick: Not totally sucky.
  Gameplay: Poop.
  Concept: Stupid.
  Fun Time: 10 Minutes.


This game sounded pretty exciting! Darksword! An epick fantasy adventure awaiting my heroick controls of joystick and keyboard! I would defend the realm or save the princess or kill the evil wizard! One of those things. I didn't have a manual nor could I find any actual description of this game anywhere on the internet. Oh well! I guess I'd have to jump right in and win through valour and luck!

This is what I was greeted with! For two minutes!

Some credits then followed.

What is that Font? Drippy snot?

The game was programmed by Helge Kozielek. Of course, it could have been programmed by somebody else since the snot font isn't exactly easy to read. Helge will be the guy I'll be cursing later when the controls turn out to be really, really horrible. The graphics were by Michael Detert. I only had the credits and the loading screen to go by so far, but I think he did a good job! You can judge him yourself as I post more pictures. Additional GFX by Thomas Heinrich. I don't know what GFXs are! But he made some more of them for this game. The Musick was by some guy named Thomas Detert. I guess he was the brother of that artist guy. I'm not going to post any of the musick but let me describe it. Let's see. It sounds exactly like a MIDI file with gas while a goat is jumping up and down on a gothick bike horn somewhere in the background. And before the musick repeats, it stabs you in the face with a tinny cymbal. The idea of the game was by Michael and Helge. Well, I'm glad they decided to make it then! I think. It sounds fun but I haven't even tried it yet!

The game begins!

As the game begins, I find myself in what looks like a sort of dungeon maybe? I think I just came through that cave entrance where you can see a pyramid and the moon hanging in a smoky sky. It looks like the place is flooded and stone blocks are poised to drop on my head at any second. Time to explore!

Ah! An Alien! Looks like the idea of the game was a little bit Giger too!

As the game starts, this alien comes at me from behind! It's hopping around and I seem to be throwing tiny pub darts at it. It seems to take 2 darts to kill it but it's so hard to hit, I'm better off just jumping over it. I'll keep going the way it came. So after about 20 tries, I learn how to get by the alien without falling in the water or being killed by it. Up ahead, some rolling stones try to run me over. But those are easy. And then some bats! Those I just ignore. And then I come to the dreaded semi-boss and his dripping water!

That's a suit of armor in front of me. Next to it is an evil guard. And above it, WATER!

Yes, the water drops on my head and kills me. What am I, the Wicked Witch? After that spectacular death, I made it to the end of the screen where a giant spear shoots at me. And then I'm at a dead end. So I head back the other way and make it to a suit of armor or a formal elf coat or something. I score 1000 points for it and, um, I'm at a dead end! So, thus ends my first review of a C-64 game! What a piece of crap! Somebody e-mail me and tell me how to get further. Unless that was the whole game? If so, I hate those jerks Micheal and Helge!


So, for some unfathomable reason, I returned to this game to try to figure out how much more there really is to it. Surprisingly, not much! After getting the formal wear, a shiny place setting appears elsewhere on the tiny map. After retrieving that, another life vest appears on the far right side of the map. And after that, you have to kill a bird in the middle of the screen and it will drop more clothing. After that, I couldn't find anything else. But apparently the entire game takes place on this tiny level with Aliens, birds, rolling stones, spears, Spartans and cannons try to kill you as you run back and forth retrieving your dry cleaning and dinnerware.

After playing the game for awhile, I noticed there were more than three or four musickal scores. So they didn't all sound like I described them earlier. Some of them are quite catchy! It's the best part of the game, really. You can listen to the musick online at this link! Just click on the Listen Online link above the picture of the game.

* * * * * * * * * *

Copyright 2006 NA!P






buy metoclopramide without a prescription order letrozole