By Grunion Guy

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 CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
The Descendants of Ishmael, Genesis 25:12 - 25:18.


THE FACTS!

These are the generations of Ishmael.

Ishmael beshat Nebajoth, Kedar, Adbeel, Mibsam, Mishma, Dumah, Massa, Hadar, Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah.

These are the twelve princes born of Ishmael.

Ishmael gave up his ghost at 137 years old.

They dwelt in Havilah unto Shur before Egypt as you go toward Assyria.

 

STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!

I'm not an expert on religion or anything. That's kind of the point of me reading The Bible and asking questions that anybody might come up with if they just picked it up. So, are Ishmael's descendants Muslims? I thought this Chapter would be more informative!

Why does Chapter 25 of Genesis like the phrase 'give up the ghost' so much? Whoever wrote this Chapter was really trying to get fancy. He didn't have much to work with, so why not? Is giving up the ghost the first time there's been any hint of something like a spirit that might live on after the body dies? I'm fairly certain it is but it's been two months to read and question the first 20 pages. So I might have forgotten something.

Would you be able to find Havilah from the directions given at the end of this Chapter? It's worse than Mapquest!

 

FAITH vs SCIENCE
Muslims

Science
The media doesn't have a lot to say about Muslims because they don't want to get their heads cut off by a Fatwā. The media likes to point out how most religious people, no matter the faith, are harmless and it's only the extreme fundamentalists who are dangerous. But the media is just trying to cover its ass and not offend too many people. Well, science, you should really stop dealing with the media until they stop pretending that you and religion have equal footing in all arguments. You better take a stand before you lose funding for everything because you've sat back and let all of the Religious maniacs control the government. If the religious had their way, they'd stop science cold in their tracks so that science can never prove the one thing the religious are always fearful it will prove: that God doesn't exist.		 Faith
Christians have a lot to say about Muslims and none of it is good (Except for you, if you're Christian and you're reading this and you were offended that I lumped you in with all the ignorant Christians. You're different.). Most of what they say starts with a derogatory term such as camel towel or jockey head and it just gets worse from there. They like to point out how violent Muslims can be when defending their religion and how Jesus wouldn't approve and maybe they should all just calm down or, perhaps, they need to be killed so Christians don't have to be afraid of them all the time. But really, Christians are just envious of the dedication Muslims have toward defending what they believe to be the truth. If Christians really believed and lived everything in The Bible, abortion clinics would be bombed on a daily basis and the days of the Inquisition would look like Spring Break. Luckily, Christians are too afraid to go to jail because most of them, when you get right down to it, care more about their material life here on Earth than for their spiritual afterlife (just look at Lot. Even when he knew God was going to kill and punish all the wicked towns on the plains along with Sodom and Gomorrah, he bitches and moans that if he goes to the mountains, he'll die. So he goes to another wicked town and saves it because he'd rather live than allow God to do his righteous work). If they truly believed, they'd be willing to give their life for their spiritual ideals. Just like many Muslims. Because if you believe in an almighty God who will give you everlasting life for following his word, wouldn't you do everything in your power to live by that word, even if it meant your own death? Because what is death when it comes to everlasting life? Of course, even the most extreme Christians who take a stand often remain pretty ignorant to what The Bible actually says and will do anything their leaders tell them. Which is why some Christians do pretty mean and nasty things, like the followers of Fred Phelps. Muslims are really in the same boat. Whether or not the Koran tells Followers to kill infidels, it's the extremist Islamic Leaders that drive their followers to unspeakable acts in the name of Allah.
The Winner: NEITHER!
Everybody is a total pussy. Science, stand up for yourself already! Stop getting into any kind of debate where religion is even mentioned. If you were a math professor and somebody kept trying to get you to figure out an equation that used made up numbers (not imaginary numbers which have a real purpose but fake numbers made up to represent something that doesn't exist at all. Or something.), you'd kick them out of the room. A newscaster on one of those National Morning Shows had a panel of doctors talking about saving someone's life and they included a religious guy on the panel who was talking about the power of prayer. Really? Hey, Media! Could you knock it off and stop pandering to these people? The newscaster even said, "We've all been hearing a lot about the power of prayer..." Really? Can we get a citation on that, you stupid whore? So there isn't any winner for this one and I'm going to deduct ten points from THE MEDIA, just in case they win one down the road.

 

HISTORICAL FACTS

Muslims have also given The Media many, many negative points. But their negative points aren't imaginary and usually involve knives and decapitations.

Christians can be just as dangerous as Muslims. It's just that America has made life so comfortable for them that they would never consider doing anything to ruin the sweet family life they're living, no matter what a church leader or their Bible said. Plus, Islam started about 600 years later than Christianity and oodles of years later than Judaism. And Christianity has only very recently, in the twentieth century (and probably the late 20th century), begun to lose much of its bigotry and violence (although, as any homosexual will tell you, they can still be pretty bigoted and violent). So Islam probably has about 550 more years until the Muslims start to calm down a little bit and stop killing all the non-believers. At least the ones that aren't gay, anyway.

My favorite movie Marquee that I didn't take a picture of:
ATONEMENT ENDS THURSDAY
FRIDAY THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Muslims believe that Ishmael was the son who Abraham took up the mountain to sacrifice. The Koran seems to have a bit more trouble with its pronouns than The Bible since it doesn't even give the child's name during the passage (Surah 37.100-113). I think Muslims have a good point and said as much in an earlier Study Guide before knowing the Islamic point of view. The Bible says God tells Abraham to sacrifice his only son and the only time he had an only son was with Ishmael. We've also seen that The Bible doesn't seem to have a problem placing the chapters outside chronological order. The well of Beer-Sheba is dug after Hagar and Ishmael find it, so why can't the sacrifice of Ishmael happen after Ishmael has been kicked out of the home and Isaac has been born? Of course, The Bible does name Isaac, so that's the Biblical Proof and the Koran did fail to mention the son by name. But you see how each religion would want the son specific to their religion to be the big star.

Christians argue against the Muslims view on the basis that Hagar was not married to Abraham and thus Ishmael is illegitimate and wouldn't be counted by God as one of Abraham's sons. But this ignores the fact that God reminds Abraham multiple times that Ishmael shall be blessed and have a great nation also specifically because he is Abraham's son and God promised to bless Abraham's seeds. So, Christians, either have your cake or eat it.

The phrase, 'You can't have your cake and eat it too', is the dumbest phrase in the world and should either be removed from the vernacular or changed to make more sense. The only reason to possess a cake is to eat it. So if I have a cake, I will eat it. There is no reason to have a cake if I'm not going to eat it, so why would I want to have my cake forever and also eat it while somehow saving it in my fabulous cake collection? From this day on, I am changing the phrase to "You can't have your puppy and eat it too."

 

ESSAY ASSIGNMENT.
Choose one.

A. Read the Koran. Do you feel violent?
B. Drink a 40 ounce malt beer. Do you feel more violent.
C. Do both A and B. Which made you more violent? Or did both of them actually just make you sleepy?

 

DRAWING TIME!

Draw a picture of Moby Dick attacking Pequod.

 

WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?

Do not name your kids Nebajoth, Kedar, Adbeel, Mibsam, Mishma, Dumah, Massa, Hadar, Tema, Jetur, Naphish, or Kedemah.